So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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