I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
