Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
