I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
