I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
