The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
