There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
