I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize