Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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