Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
