i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
