Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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