what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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