And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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