hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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