please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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