You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
