I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize