Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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