he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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