i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
