Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
