Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
