Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
