she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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