I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
