Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
