Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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