You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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