hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
