Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
