woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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