you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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