is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
