Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This is classic penis vs brain.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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