I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You are the jesus of drinking
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
