he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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