Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
