a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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