You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
