I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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