Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
