my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
