I wannas sexs uuuuu
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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