If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
