I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
