i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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