I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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