Will you blow on my dice?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
