So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
