how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
