You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize