Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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