i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
