i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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