Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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