I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
