There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
