I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i drank out of a bidet.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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