roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
