Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
