I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
