??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
