I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
